MTA!

呢句說話其實好細個已經有聽阿媽講架啦, 當時未至於不以為然, 只能夠話冇乜感覺咁 (其實我細個真係好鬼鈍, 乜野都係聽左就入腦, 基本上個腦係 harddisk 黎, 儲左係度就算, 唔會話 analyze 過或者 criticize 下先再決定要唔要 this piece of information, 係咪因為咁我而家既 critical thinking 同埋 d bi 既 sense 好差, 讀書就讀死我, 做野又好鬼挫折 feel — 冇錯, 而家就係做緊 d Business Intelligence 既野! * 唉 *)

言歸正轉, 今日以呢個做 title, 梗係有 d 橋妙既. 我呢一輪唔知做乜 (其實我係知既, 不過係我自己唔想面對個問題住) , 成日好心散同埋心神晃忽, 好明顥個腦係一直係煩緊一樣野, 但係因為讀書方面又 demanding, 做野個方面 d deadline 又越黎越多 (冇錯, 係越黎越多, 因為 d project 數量正以直線向上颷升), 但野總要做, 書總要讀, 樣樣都係得返半邊腦做, 成日要提醒自己係讀緊書, 又係逗緊人地份糧, 唔可以遊魂遊得咁緊要, 要迫自己唔好諗埋 d 唔應該諗既野, 要 focus 返係我既目標度, 但係真係好難呀! 又唔可以同人講我既煩惱, 我又係度轉緊牛角尖, 真係唔知點好!

以上都未去到正題… 係我咁唔知點既時候, 最俾到安心我既竟然係我既屋企人! 不過今次既屋企人唔係講緊我老公 (因為佢係煩惱既一部份) 而係生我養我既父親, 和同我一齊成長既妹妹. 因為分隔兩地, 而又希望大家有平台冇時差問題地溝通, 我 setup 左個討論佢俾我同屋企人, 我父親和她的妻子, 我們兩姊妹和我們的老公. 我心裡的煩惱, 令我第一次和我的妹妹傾訴, 但, 她給我的回應很正面, 令我沒有我以為的不快感覺. 我不知道跟她說有沒有問題, 因為她心目中, 我是甚麼也可以自己以及幫她解決的”女長人”, 有定力同埋 知道自己在做甚麼的人, 但今天被她發現家姐 (點解寫寫下變左白話文既?! 要回復正常先!) 原來都有呢 d 煩惱, 都會有想做錯事的念頭, 但她竟然安慰 (我想是安慰吧) 我, 我那些只是小兒科, 她和她的朋友, 那些事件, 比我的情況勁爆得多. 雖然, 不安的感覺唔可能一掃而空, 但係個人的沉重心情是舒緩左 d.

另外, 除左同個妹面對面咁傾下, 原來同自家人亂嗡廿四都有呢個治療作用, 一口氣回左幾個放左係度一段時間都冇人理既 post, 我感覺到自己原來仲係可以思考, 而唔係一團混亂既線, 而且好快又有人回左, 所以感覺亦好好多.

所以, 今日, 我就用係 tort 度教緊 “Trespass to Land” 時 miss 用過既一句說話黎做呢個 blog 既主題:

A man’s home is a man’s castle

雖然佢 refer 呢句說話既候係指 physical 既家, 但係, 我今日感受到既係血親既溫暖同關切, 他們才是構成我的堡壘的重要部份.

好耐冇寫 blog 啦, 其實自考完試之後, 一直掛住玩, 根住話咁快又開埋學喇, 宜家又返反去地獄既深淵, 變左一直都冇走上黎寫野.

有冇聽過 pepper burn? 我起初唔知有個咁既 term 架, 都係因為尋日出左事, 自己作個 term 上網搵下 google 神, 先知, 原來真係有一樣咁既野!

事緣昨日將一只小型 (約15cm長) 幼身既辣椒切丁, 再放進醬汁裡面熬煮, 不知道係邊個環節出問題, 當整個醬汁完成, 我再將用具洗乾淨之後, 雙手所有手指竟然像被火燒一樣, 刺痛非常, 搵水喉水沖只是那一下子, 一抺乾手便又回復灼痛. 我嘗試搽 lotion 希望情況會有改善, 但一雙手只是越來越痛!

隱約記得多年前同樣情況試過一次, 那次應該是做一個豉椒炒xx 的菜式, 猶記得炒菜時雙手已經感受到辣椒的熱力, 完成菜式之後那種疼痛只有一頓飯之久, 一個鐘頭便沒事了, 那次用的是平時用來做麻辣火鍋的乾小紅椒, 只要一夥便 “辣到跳舞”, 我以為那次只是個別事件, 是那一種小紅椒太辣才會有灼熱感覺.

* 其實上一個星期已經打晒篇野, 不過竟然係最後o個刻 save 唔到, 好彩有間唔中 save 下, 如果唔係連樓上個 d 殘渣都冇埋… 都唔知係咪我唔好彩定點, 個 web hosting 公司個個 server 都冇事淨係我 park 呢個 d uptime 係低過人地, 我個 site 又唔係多人睇, 自娛既啫, 冇理由係大食一族吖, 咁多數都係個大肥佬坐埋黎我地呢隻船度, 撘沉船啦 *

之後我都唔知點算, 上網 google 下, 將辣椒同灼傷感覺放埋一齊, 即係 pepper burn 啦, 睇下搵唔搵到類似既野. 果然太陽之下無新事, 真係有 pepper burn 既呢樣既, 但當然係 d 外國既煮食 website 啦! 我 click 左一個類似討論區既網站, d 留言者介紹左 d 方法, 有 d 都幾恐怖既 : 擦湯火露, 浸牛奶, 浸酒精, 浸漂白水!! 我除左最後o個樣, 其他都試勻晒啦, 最後試既係擦灼傷用既藥, 唔知係咪之前做既野有少少效果, 擦完藥係舒緩左 d. 但我唔將 d 功勞俾晒支藥膏係有原因既… 因為當晚再夜 d, 我諗住沖涼瞓覺, 竟然沖完涼之後 o個 d 火燒既感覺又再黎過! 呢次即刻擦藥啦, 都完全冇改善… 最後, 我都係由得佢痛住咁去瞓覺, 第二朝先至冇事咋!

我係 o個個網站睇, 見 d 人都係話會痛 8 – 10 個鐘 (咁即係成晚啦!), 而且可能係 allergy 既一種, 人係咪越大越 Or Gor (疴個)既呢, 後生既時候冇咁多野既, 但而家就越黎覺得自己呢樣敏感o個樣敏感… 定係我一直都有問題既, 只係我自己遲鈍呢?!

These are good

六月尾, 我有一個頗親的親戚過世了, 他是一個很活躍, 很樂天的人, 喜歡去遊行, 雖然已經八十多歲了, 不是他的太太告訴我他的年紀, 我就算聽到都會以為是說笑, 不相信他真的有那麼大年紀. 他的 funeral 等事已經在上星期全辦妥了, 星期日晚是追思禮拜, 星期一下葬. 那兩天我不算哭得很誇張, 但眼睛很腫郤是不爭的事實. 我不是第一次去天主教的殯葬儀式, 第一次去應該都是去年或前年的事, 那一次, 那 auntie 並不算是常常見面那一種, 但郤是 “由細睇到我大”, 和父親和他的兄弟姊妹都很熟, 我初初並沒有想到我會那麼激動, 但到了瞻仰遺容那一刻, 所有和她相處的記憶如泉般湧出來, 我的淚水便崩潰堤了.

和伯父不是每個月都見面那一種, 是很正常的親戚相處模式, 新年, 清明, 重陽, 平時伯娘會打電話和我們閒聊, 又或有喜慶或有親人朋友自外地返國, 我們都會一起吃大餐. 每一次見面我們都一家人坐在一起 “吹水”… 就是這樣, 但原來人的感情就是這樣累積得來的, 以上所做的實在不多, 但當我在街上收到電話得知他病逝的消息時, 我也忍不住流下眼淚. 我的父親大人就更不得了, 他很傷心, 關於這件事, 所有後續事項, 他根本不想我們多說, 聽到消息的那一晚, 他還病了呢…

伯父的兒子是神父, 所以, 這兩個最後的儀式全由他主持… 我真的覺得我的(唐)大哥很堅強, 若是發生在我身上, 我沒有可能還可以強打起精神, 在那樣的環境中主持彌撒. 我相信, 他的堅持是希望在彌撒中說出對父親的感激罷. 他在追思禮拜的講道很令我感動 (殯葬彌撒的講道不是由他做, 差多了), 他一邊說著伯父的種種, 我們這些親人便不斷回憶起伯父的樂天, 慷慨, 和對後輩的關懷, 不停地掉淚. 我相信他的感受尤其深, 因為他要成為神父, 有不少的阻力來自他的母親, 但郤有伯父給他的支持, 支持自己兒子決定侍奉神的選擇. 對於一個有傳統思想, 和只有一個兒子的家庭來說, 做出這樣的割捨實在不易, 雖然他有不捨, 怕兒子會孤單, 但他只埋藏了自己的心情, 沒有對兒子施加壓力. 當然以上作為一個小小後輩我都只是從大哥的講道那兒聽回來的, 我之前沒有知道全部的事.

伯父的離去, 令我之前害怕的事更浮上一層面. 因家父不在本地, 每一回相聚, 分離時我都哭得唏呢嘩啦, 我心裡面一直在祈求我父親大人長命百歲, 健健康康, 還要是行得走得那一種. 但到那刻, 我醒覺到, 上一輩真的老了, 雖然心裡已經有準備, 對人將會有一死的事實我自問可以很坦然面對, 但畢竟我們與死亡的距離絶對比我的想像來得短, 它的來臨往往會令人措手不及, 我們真的要好好珍惜現在和長輩相處的時光.

Common Recruitment Exam, 公務員綜合招聘考試

I have taken this exam about 1 month ago, and I was VERY pessimistic about the result right after I finished the first paper.

The exam consist of three papers (in my exam centre) and it starts with an Aptitude Test (能力傾向試). It took about 1 hour to finish 60 questions (if I remember correctly), all need some thinking or calculating before spitting out the correct answer (those logical things). Right after the aptitute test, no break, we have to take the usage of chinese test … tackle 50 questions within 60 minutes. After like 15 minutes break, we took the English exam, 40 questions in 60 minutes. The complete exam package consumed me a whole afternoon.

Very frankly, I’m not quite confident to pass them at this very first attack. I know the exam format but I know nothing about the standard of these exams. A colleague of mine who already took the exam told me that I should be OK with the aptitude test and also the english one cos I’m a “IT man”, and my degree is from a foreign country. For the english test, I think the same too, but for the aptitude test, I am very doubtful cos I find my logical thinking very rusty in the recent years.

As for the chinese exam, it basically tests our reading skills and also the usage of the chinese words. Like picking the wrong chinese characters from different terms, etc. My chinese standard is only Form 5 and lately I just read those time-killing chinese fictions, not anything deep or knowledge-seeking.

However, I’ve found myself panicking during the exam. The aptitude test took first, and I found there’s no way I can finish all 60 questions within 60 minutes! The logical questions need time to think and the statistical ones need time to organize and calculate. I can barely finish 40-50 questions out of those and others I just filled in B or C.

While my confidence dropped to the lowest level, I feel much better for the chinese and english test. It has to do with the strategy I handle the exam after that depressing aptitude test. Both exam layouts start with reading comprension, and I put these way back, after I finish the rest of the paper. In this way, the time to complete the exam is much more manageable and even if I can’t read the paragraphs from head to toe I can use the first sentence of every paragraph to make the best guess when answering the questions. That day, when leaving the exam hall, I guessed I can pass 2 papers but not the aptitude one. At that time, I was very ashamed of myself being an “IT man”.

Last week I received the result (a month later!). And, to my big surprise, I passed all 3 of them. It is unbelievable since like 3 out of 10 questions in the paper are guesswork! Probably most examinees flunked the exam and so I pass by a “curve”. Well, still, it’s a good news to me.